Five Thing Friday, 03.27.2015

1. In an effort to outdo the most ridiculous show, this guy proposed to his girlfriend via Chris Harrison’s Instagram.

Romance at its finest. Scotty couldn’t even smile for the photo and instead looked like a creepy stalker proposing to Megan. Chris updated that she did say yes so I guess she enjoyed this little scheme. If that’s the case, they’re meant to be together, I suppose.

2. I recently used Unroll.Me to clean up all the crap subscriptions that spam my email hourly. It’s so awesome, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. The point I’m trying to make is this.

How amazing!? Since Yankee Candle loves me, I assume they’ll be sending me free candles for life, yes? I need Reese’s to get on board and just tell me that my love for them is reciprocated and all will be right in the world.

3. I was in a (full/crowded) parking lot the other day and when I got out of my car there was a woman squatting behind a car talking on her phone. It looked like she was trying to hide, but she was in plain view of literally anyone walking to their cars. I stepped out of my car and she looked as me as though I was intruding her personal space – like I walked in on her using the bathroom or something.
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Which, now that I recall her stance, could have very well been the case.

4.┬áZayn has left One Direction. Obviously, teeny boppers are up in arms over this news, but I’m just irritated by his statement that he wants to be a “normal 22-year-old.” Uhhh you gave up that privilege when you voluntarily participated in a singing competition. You will never have a “normal” life, ever. So, you can give up on that dream stat.

5. I truly thought Friday would never get here.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

RIP Toby the Squirrel

Let me paint you a picture. It was a lovely morning yesterday – very little traffic and the sun was shining. Toby the Squirrel was just acting all squirrely and decided it would be a great day to cross the street for some more nuts, so he started crossing just as my car was approaching.

I caught a quick glimpse of him before it was too late.

He came out of nowhere.

There was no time to stop.

I held my breath, thinking maybe he’d do the same. Maybe he’ll freeze underneath my car, safe from the tires going 40mph.

Toby didn’t freeze.

Had I not seen him, I would have thought I hit a tiny pothole in the road. A tiny guy, he was.

But I did see him.

So I knew the tiny thump was Toby.

I turned off my music for the remaining 3 minutes of my drive.

Toby deserved that moment of silence.

I wonder what his last meal was. I hope it wasn’t a salad and he just said YOLO this morning before plowing through an extra nut.

On my way home, I saw Toby lying in the road. He was flat as a pancake.

In my 10+ years of driving, I have never hit any sort of rodent. I am so sad that I can no longer make that claim.

Im sorry, Toby. You will be missed.

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Memorial services will be held for Toby at a date TBD.