Oprah’s Favorite Things: A Commentary

I’ve written about my problem with Oprah before and her absurd lists of “Favorite Things” and this holiday season will be no different.

I’m done with my Christmas shopping (I’m available for applause at any time) but before I was finished, I thought Why don’t I look at Oprah’s Favorite Things for inspiration/Judgement over her lack of ability to connect with the 99 percent. And judge, I did.

Oprah squint

Oprah selected 90 items that she deemed suitable enough to grace her presence, and I’ve compiled a list of the most outrageous.

Hesperides Grapefruit Bath & Shower Gel and Body Lotion Set

Oprah's Favorite Things - Shower Gel

“Heaven Scent,” Oprah says. It’s really just your run-of-the-mill $40.00 soap because Oprah is too good for The Body Shop.

The Ultimate Lacquer Wardrobe: An Oprah ExclusiveOprah's Favorite Things - Nail Polish

Oprah said she likes this because it reminded her of her 64 color Crayola crayon box she had as a child. Except, this one is 10 times the price so her commission will be far greater!

Thomas Keller’s Ad Hoc Salt Cellar
Oprah's Favorite Things - Salt

Because what is life without a $50 three tiered bamboo container of salt? Nothing, that’s what.

Drawing Foil Art PrintsOprah's Favorite Things - Foil Art

Tired of hanging your kids’ crappy drawings with tape on fridge? At the low low price of $450, you can have their stick figures converted into a foil print! Dip into their college fund! They’ll probably be a famous artist anyway, right?

Teavana Oprah Chai Tea Sets
Oprah's Favorite Things - Tea

Just in case your $50 bamboo packaged salt wasn’t pretentious enough, we have more! Oprah was just so sick of drinking out of an 8 oz mug like the rest of us peasants that “she” designed her own 12 oz mug! It allows for the “perfect spacing between your fingers and tumb” (whatever the hell that means) so she can charge you  $100.00 for it.

Melange Drawstring SweatpantsOprah's Favorite Things - Sweatpants

“What’s better than a pair of Vince sweatpants with a tapered leg and ankle zip that I can dress up or down?” Oprah quips. Ones that don’t cost $200 you a-hole.

Needless to say, I did not make any purchases from Oprah’s list – sorry everyone. But ugh I have so much fun judging Oprah and her hypocritical ways.

Oprah Laugh

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you’re eating a lot today. Today also just so happens to be my 3-year blogiversary, so for your viewing pleasure, here is my very first post. I had no idea what I was doing (in life or on the blog). Still don’t (in life or on the blog).

Originally published November 26, 2012 (LOL)


Because it’s Monday. Because you just had a four day weekend that felt like one day. Because you’re wearing leggings daily since your pants won’t button. Because you warded off family members questioning your single marital status. Because you deserve to know others are as sad as you this morning, I leave you with reasons to be happy you’re you today:

You are not this girl.

This was not you on Friday; unless it was – in which case, yikes.Image

Most importantly, you were not a part of this movie
Everything You Want Poster

Al and I watched this a few nights ago. Well, just read the synopsis. If you’re too lazy to click and read one paragraph, I’ll tell you that it starts off by a college-aged girl having an imaginary boyfriend. Now you’ll read it. Finished? Good. Now be happy you’re not us because we paid money to watch this ABC Family original from 2005.

So try to be productive on this glorious Monday morning. At the very least, please just don’t do this

After all, it’s only 4 days until Friday