Five Thing Friday, 05.22.15

1. This week was awful. Maybe it’s because I was just getting back from vacation. Maybe it’s because my Monday morning started off with some betch cutting me off and then having the audacity to honk at me. Regardless, it’s Friday and this long weekend is so so welcome.

2. All of the recent Subway commercials talking about their guacamole just reminds me how much I love Chipotle’s guac, so I went and got a burrito bowl yesterday. Someone should let them know that their marketing campaign isn’t working.

 3. I am moving in 1 week from today and have packed a total of 3 boxes. It still looks like I haven’t done anything so this should be enjoyable.  

4. I bought two of Jen Lancaster’s books a few years ago – literally years. I don’t know why it took me so long to actually read one but I just finished Bitter is the New Black and I am obsessed. She’s such an asshole but so hysterical.

Jen Lancaster

5. Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

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The Bachelorette, Week 1, Part 2: Can’t Judge a Book by it’s Cupcake

After a truly unnecessary episode Monday night, they jumped right to it last night. Chris Harrison approached Britt first to tell her she was not going to be the bachelorette. BYE. She sobbed in the limo on the way home because she met so many incredible men and had so many amazing 5 minute conversations with him and was sure one of them was her husband.

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When CH told Kaitlyn she was the bachelorette she was so happy and was even nice enough to ask if Britt was okay. Chris told her to let the information sink in before the rose ceremony and she was like oh shitttt, I still have to send people home? Yes, you do. You asked for it, gurl. She called her mom to tell her the news and her mom told her to bring home her son-in-law so I guess her family is pretty supportive. And weird. The guys were all so precious with their cheering and clapping when she walked into the room and Chris introduced her as the bachelorette. They immediately started shoving their biceps in Kaitlyn’s face and soon enough Chris Harrison introduced the infamous first impression rose.

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I waited patiently for the massive elephant at the cocktail party to be addressed – nearly half of these guys voted for Britt.

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Did you!? Where!? Let’s stone them.

Tony the healer was so confused because he was so certain that Britt’s box was pulsating with fervor. Or something like that. Love man told Kaitlyn that he voted for Britt but he was “so happy” she was the bachelorette. Uh, okay.

JJ revealed that he has a 3 year old son and Kaitlyn was way more attracted to him than she thought she would be, AKA she’s not physically attracted to him but thinks he’s nice. The cupcake dentist ended all of his sentences in the form of a question so that’s going to need to end STAT. His teeth are phenomenal, though. Kaitlyn liked his sparkly whites enough to lick them – kiss #1.

Kaitlyn is super attracted to Shawn for reasons I’ll never understand – to each their own, I guess. She decided to give him the first impression rose and then make out with him as well – kiss #2. She likened their lip lock to kissing someone in elementary school, implying it was a compliment, but that sounds horrifying as a grown adult.

At the rose ceremony, JJ continued to reek of desperation.

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Brady interrupted the rose-ing to tell Kaitlyn that he had stronger feelings for Britt and wanted to try to find her (ie. ask the producers where she was staying that night). Honestly, mad respect for that guy for not stringing Kaitlyn along.

Previews: We are shown clips with Nick Viall AKA the guy Andi dumped after she basically told him she was going to pick him. Kaitlyn is kissing him in these. What? What. What. What.

The only other preview worthwhile is that Kaitlyn bangs one of the guys. This isn’t even speculation – there’s a clip of her telling the rest of the guys “we had sex” soooo that’s uncomfortable. At least we know this will be more exciting that Chris the Farmer’s season.
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Kissed: Cupcake dentist, Shawn peoplesayhelookslikeryangoslingbutdoesntatall M.