celebrities | TV

The Bachelorette, Week 10: All The Cries

July 30, 2013

For the first time since 2002, Chris Harrison was correct in stating that this was the most dramatic fin-ahl-ay of The Bachelorette.

The episode began full of hope as we watched Des balance on the edge of a sailboat in Antigua. The waves were enormous so I’m not sure how she didn’t fall. I’m guessing this took a few takes. For no reason, we reminisced via montage about the tools she had already sent home.

Drew got the first date and they went to some party in the middle of the street to limbo with the locals. Someone made them a rose and heart made of bamboo or something, which would have been sweet if he didn’t then force them to make out so he could watch like a pervert. Drew admitted that he was ready to propose and Des giggled about how wonderful Drew’s abs are, so they were definitely on the same page. Des told Drew that she needs someone who will compliment her and show affection – basically the opposite of Brooks – so good luck, Des. Then, the two horndogs went into the fantasy suite and awkwardly kissed until Drew asked the cameramen to leave. Then we listened to their lips smacking together for 30 seconds.

Brooks was unsure of his feelings so he went home to walk around a lake talk to his mommy because apparently he couldn’t figure out if he loves Des on his own. This was all so confusing. Sometimes it seemed like he was saying that he had feelings for her but needed more time to figure out if this was his “one true love.” Other times it seemed like he couldn’t care less about her, but more on this later.

Next up is lil old Chris. They seem so natural together. I wish she could realize he’s better than druggie Brooks. Just when I thought these two would be classy, they layed on the shoreline to make out like every other couple on this show. Things got a tick hairy when Chris said that he wanted to stay in Seattle, but all was well because Des just lied and said she’d be willing to move. YAY! They decided to stay in the fantasy suite because Des needed to find her husband based on the best bang. Chris agreed, but not before reading her – wait for it – a poem. Every time I start to like this guy, he does something that reminds me of how weird he is. Wouldn’t Des get sick of the poems after 30 years of marriage? They’re not special anymore.

In an effort to really dig deep into his feelings, Brooks chatted with the on-call therapist, Chris Harrison. Essentially, Brooks came to the conclusion that he’s not in love with Des and never will be. Brooks is still the most annoying on the show, but I respect him for being so honest about everything. Their break-up was so brutal I don’t even want to talk about it. That was just cruel of the cameramen to film everything. She was straight-up sobbing and it was heartbreaking.

Des basically admitted that she has only liked Brooks from the beginning, told him she loved him, and cried. That must make the other guys feel awesome! Side note: Talk about a lovely crier! Not an ounce of make-up smeared on her face. What mascara are you using, gurl?

Then, Brooks started crying, but I think it was just because he felt bad. Also, it should be noted that he is an ugly Kim Kardashian crier. He started to get annoying (shock) when he kept lingering and asked Des what he should do. Um, leave, bro. GTFO.

Anyway, the previews showed Des crying to Chris that she wants to go home because it’s over for her now. I have a feeling Brooks is gonna come back. I just hope he gets a haircut before he does.

I have one final thought that’s irking me. I know Des was heartbroken, and that’s terrible. However, what a big fat faker she was with everyone else! She told Brooks that every time she was with another guy, she wished she was with him, and that she knew from the beginning that she wanted to be with Brooks. Drew must have felt so great hearing that you just used him for his body. Anyway, I just think it’s messed up that she let all these guys fall in love with her and make them think they had a chance when she knew the whole time that they didn’t. Brooks will come out as the bad guy in all of this, but at least he was honest, unlike her.

Part 2 of the fin-ahl-ay next week. I’m actually excited…

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