celebrities | Humor | TV

The Bachelor, Week 1, Part 2: The Adventure Has Begin

January 7, 2014

I hate how yawn-worthy the early episodes of this damn show are. We got a glimpse into Juan Pablo’s life, which is quite obviously spent running shirtless on the beach by day and staring into the lovely Miami skyline by night.

Juan Pablo invited Sean to his home to compare abs ask for advice. The most important piece of advice Sean gave was for Juan Pablo to only kiss a girl when the other hyenas can’t see. What a great guy – nothing like some dishonesty to start off a marriage. The second best piece of advice was not to dress like Sean. He didn’t say this verbally, but I think it was implied for obvious reasons.

Chris Harrison told Juan Pabs that there were SO many women who wanted to meet him that they had to invite way more than 25 to the mansion. By “way more” he meant two, of course, because Chris Harrison is the queen of exaggeration. So there would be 27 women instead of 25 – hold on to your panties, Juan! There wasn’t anything very noteworthy from the limo meetings. I do respect the fact that Juan Pablo didn’t try to hide the fact that he was checking out every girl. Every other Bachelor acts like they’re really interested in what grade Susie T. teaches and not ripping off her dress. Juan was not hiding his attraction. Respect.

This whole first episode was a total drag until Lauren came through with her sob story. She was engaged but her fiance’ called it off “a few months ago.” Watching her pretend like she was over it was just sad. Then she kept talking about how she wanted time with Juan Pabs and started crying hysterically about it. I mean, she could have just went and talked to him. Clearly this is just due to her issues since she is definitely not over her break-up (which is fine – but don’t go on the Bachelor…)

Um, also noteworthy was Sharleen. J Pabs was so smitten with her and gave her the first impression rose. She did accept it (if by saying “sure” is accepting) but not before admitting that she essentially didn’t like him. She’s shown crying a lot in the previews and my guess is that she realizes that she doesn’t want the Latin goods.

Final thoughts: I will never understand or respect crying on the first epsiode. Ladies, get your ish together. You’ve literally spent ten minutes with this stranger. The only exception for tears last night was poor Kylie. Juan called Cat’s name during the rose ceremony and she somehow heard “Kylie” and started walking up to get her rose when Juan Pabs corrected her, “no Ca-T. Ca-TTT.” (Proof that the accent is already causing issues). Her only choices were to vomit profusely or cry hysterically of embarrassment. She chose the latter. Respect.

BTW, just some clarification about the title of this post. I swear I’m not making up the lack of English-speaking ability…juanpablobegin

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