celebrities | Humor | TV

The Bachelor, Week 7: Clare is Like a Dog, She Peed On Him First

February 19, 2014

The crew headed to Miami this week, which is where Juan Pablo lives. They were put up in a penthouse suite overlooking the ocean, and they kept talking about how this would definitely give them a glimpse into what their life would be with Juan Pablo, which is obviously completely factual.

JP was telling his friend/brother/cousin that Sharleen was an Oprah singer. Let’s hope not.

Sharleen got the first date and she was super uncomfortable about it. She said she thought they had amazing chemistry but something was missing. What could the something possibly be? Oh, I don’t know, maybe dating for longer than 3 weeks before committing to marriage? Anyway, they went on a boat and pretended to explore the city this way but instead just sucked face on a boat. She basically said that he doesn’t think she likes him because she only likes kissing him and not talking to him. I have to give her props for recognizing that, but she was being way too hard on herself. She was making it seem like if he met her family then she was required to marry him.

Nikki got the next date and they went to Camilla’s dance recital. She basically met his entire family, including Camilla’s mother. Isn’t this super soon to be introducing someone to the fam? He still has 5 other girlfriends – one of whom he banged in the ocean. After that, he took Nikki to Marlins Park to have a picnic on the field and AGAIN, Nikki forgot to wear clothes.
nikkibachelor
Did she really think this was appropriate attire for playing a quick game of catch?

After talking with Renee, the in-house therapist, Sharleen decided to leave and she was so depressed about it. I’m not sure why she chose to do that if she still thought they had a connection. Strange. JP was crying too. I feel like they actually liked each other the most at this point. It was so weird. She shouldn’t have left.

The group date was Clare, Renee, Andi, and Chelsie, AKA hell because Clare is so annoying. They went to a private beach because real life is the name of the game. Chelsie read a bunch of notes that her family gave her to read when she got homesick. This was awkward to watch because it was obvious that she was the one JP would be sending home. Andi started crying randomly because she’s so unsure of his feelings. Same story, different girl. YAWN.

J Pabs gave the rose to Andi on the group date, which meant that he will definitely be meeting her family next week and she got to move on to part 2 of the date, while the other three had to go home.  Andi and Juan went to a Latin singer’s performance and danced, obviously on a stage, in front of a bunch of strangers.

When the three gals got home, they were chatting with Nikki, and Clare was BITTER BERTA. Nikki and Clare had a nice little cat fight. I actually didn’t get why the whole thing started. I think NIkki was just (rightfully) annoyed that Clare was acting like she was the only one who was upset about not getting a rose, but you can’t just walk out of a room when someone is mid-sentence and be surprised when they confront you about it. I can’t stand either of them. The best part of this entire episode was the 2 minutes of airtime that they showed of the girls sitting in complete awkward silence.
Are you #TeamClare or #TeamNikki?

Juan Pablo sent Chelsie home and he cried yet again. How on earth is he going to handle this when it’s down to the last two?

I’m hoping that Andi loses, only because I love her and want her to be the Bachelorette.

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