celebrities | Humor

The Bachelorette, Week 1: I'm a Hugger

May 20, 2014

It’s finally here! I’m so excited for this season of The Bachelorette because I genuinely like Andi. Although, I liked Des when her season started and that changed by the end. Similarly to her bachelorette predecessors, Andi is totes positive that her true love is somewhere in this pool of random 25 wanna-be-actors/models/musicians that the producers picked for her. Chris Harrison was obvi eager to greet Andi at her new digs and bring in her one suitcase for the next three months. Yeah, okay. All your gowns fit in there. Her sister came to help her get ready for the first night and help her choose which elaborate dress to wear because real life.

These dudes were pretty yawn-worthy with their entrances, but I guess some stood out for their douchey and/or awkwardness. There was JJ who is an entrepreneur who wore a bow tie, so no thanks. Tasos recreated the Lovers’ Bridge in Paris which for some reason Andi thought was adorbs. Again, no thanks. Cody was the douchealicious personal trainer who pretended to push the limo up the hill because omgmuscles. Rudie made a lame attorney joke which didn’t make up for the strange spelling of his name. There was a doctor whose name I forget because he had creepy crazy eyes so I couldn’t stop staring.
He told her that he can diagnose people just by looking at them, and proceeded to tell her that she must have a fever because she’s so hot. This could have been done very smoothly had he not been so creepy, but alas, no such luck. Brett was the hairstylist came out with a lamp he stole from the hotel. I guess you need to give him credit for being original? Craig came out of the limo and popped a champagne bottle and Andi was like “omgggg you’re a crazy partier. You’re totally gonna be the one who always gets the party started.” What? Just goes to show that this show is in fact partially scripted and Craig is going to be forced to act like a big “partier.” Bradley is an opera singer who was definitely pissed that Sharleen isn’t the bachelorette. Josh, the former pro baseball player, apparently doesn’t work currently so he had to use this as his occupation.

Chris from Emily’s season showed up, which was super weird. Unfortunately, I wasn’t blogging during Emily’s season so I can’t go back to figure out who he was/how much I hated him. The only thing I could remember about him is that he had anger issues. Is this correct? Someone refresh my memory. If that’s the case, good job not letting him join in, Andi. Plus he seems crazy. He just saw her and thought it would be okay to show up and stalk out the mansion when they started filming? No. Chris Harrison is always talking about the “Bachelor Family.” These idiots are constantly going to parties and getting wasted together. I’m sure there was an event where he could have met Andi and introduced himself like a normal human being. Anger issues + crazy = NO THANKS.

All night long, Andi kept saying how lucky she was to have such an incredible and interesting group of guys, which leads me to believe that she was poisoned or something. She clearly didn’t hear the conversation between Patrick and Andrew about their love for each other because they’re on the same page because omg cars. omg racing. omg cool.

The only worthwhile guy I saw so far was Marquel because he set up a cookie tasting for them. He quite obviously is the best one so far. Andi is crazy for not giving him the first impression rose. If that were me I would’ve been like “Alright, everybody out! I’mma marry Marquel and eat cookies all the time. BYE.”

The following bros made it through to next week: JJ, Eric, Marquel, Craig, Tasos, Josh M., Brian, Bradley, Marcus, Andrew, Ron, Carl, Chris, Dylan, Brett, Patrick, Cody, Nick S.

Rudie was confused because apparently his mommy told him that they would get married and have kids. The doctor (whose name is Jason, turns out) thinks his life is over now because a girl he spoke to for 10 minutes wasn’t interested in him. Josh B. was holding back tears – again, this is after a 10 minute conversation.

In the montage for the “exciting” upcoming season, we see a bunch of douchey guys fight with each other about the fact that “Andi is my girl. No one else’s.”  Andi ugly cries and turns into a bitter bitch and rips off her mic.
Source: wetpaint.com

Welcome back, train wreck. Welcome back.

 

P.S. Have to give them credit for classily handling one of the contestants (Eric) who died during (after?) filming. He was shown a lot in last night’s episode and seemed like one of the better ones. Sad.

  1. Eric died after filming, not during.:( Such a shame, and definitely a first for Bachelor history. =/
    Pretty sure they paid Chris (from Emily’s season/Bachelor Pad) to crash the party. I don’t think anything unplanned happens on this show! 😉

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