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The Bachelorette, Week 3: Why Can't We go to the Zoo?

June 2, 2015

The Bachelorette left off last week with Bowser throwing fire at producers and that is right where we picked up last night. Kaitlyn went out to confront him and he immediately calmed down, fake cried, and told her that he didn’t want to go home. She told him to accept it and he did, adding that he didn’t like her and “I hope you have chlamydia,” so I think he was pretty sober and reasonable.

Kaitlyn rounded up the other guys to explain why she sent Bowser home and then started crying because this was going to be a “really difficult” rose ceremony. Apparently it was tough because she sent guys home who she was attracted to and was just upset they’d never get the chance to bang.

Group Date #1

Sumo wrestlers entered the mansion to wake the guys up via gong. Obviously. I guess not enough people got hurt during the boxing matches. Chris Harrison could not even explain the sumo wrestling group date without laughing.

Kaitlyn goes for a spin.

Poor Joe – his entire junk was hanging out the whole time and Kaitlyn made sure to call him out on it multiple times. WTF do you expect when you throw these dudes in diapers, girl? The fighting was so stupid, as predicted. Although, Clint made sure to remind everyone that he peaked as a high school wrestler and flung everyone around.

Tony stormed away from the group at one point, which was an incredibly effective gesture while wearing a diaper and ponytail. Apparently, he was upset that “all of” (AKA 2) the dates involved aggression. Kaitlyn explained that she has a sense of humor and it was just meant to be funny. He confirmed that he has absolutely no sense of humor, which everyone knew on day one but somehow Kaitlyn missed the memo. He decided to leave the house but claimed that he’s not a quitter because he walked away on his own terms, which is weird since I’m pretty sure that’s literally the definition of a quitter. The healer put on his best serial killer gear and met Kaitlyn at her hotel to tell her that he needed to go home.

During the “get drunk” portion of the group date, Clint said that he was going to sit back and let Kaitlyn go to him if she wanted to talk to him so I guess he’s unfamiliar with the hunger games premise of this show. Kaitlyn called him out on it which was awesome.

One-on-One Date:

Chris Harrison planned Benzie and Kaitlyn’s date which was being trapped in a horrifying room and using “communication” to figure out the code needed to escape. They were in a dark room with bugs and birds and snakes and toilet bowls and fake corpses. I wonder how many seasons we’ll need to sit through before people figure out that you should list your fears as ” walks on the beach” and “sitting on the couch.” They made it out in time in case anyone thought Kaitzie was still stuck in a room with snakes slithering around a blood-filled toilet.

Kaitlyn brought Benzie back to her place and they ordered pepperoni pizza which is the most normal thing to ever happen on this show. Ben told Kaitlyn he hasn’t cried in 11 years and didn’t even cry when his mom died. Kaitlyn asked if he thought this show would make him cry. Totes, Kaity. He didn’t cry when his mother passed away but for sure he’ll cry when he’s waiting for a rose.

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Group Date #2

Kaitlyn brought the guys to a school to teach sex ed which was actually hilarious. The boys had to talk about the female anatomy, sex, and puberty. Ben H. got to talk about reproduction and used it to his advantage to talk about how you need to be in love and have a connection and blah blah blah. Kaity ate it up.

Jared needs to shave immediately.

That is all.

Cocktail Party

Jared shaved!

I have to mention the underlying bromance between Clint and JJ that was highlighted this entire episode. Obviously, this was heavily edited but they were super creepy with each other. I need to know the background. Either way, they are SUCH tools and i hope they realize that chanting “Villains gotta vill” completely negates your title as a villain.

All the guys told Kaitlyn that Clint is a big douche and the episode ended with her walking away to confront him.

I’m so over this “to be continued” bullshit.

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  1. She pretty much missed the memo on Tony at all. Did she seriously not understand that he was a lunatic that made us BS as he went? I think he is still trying to convince himself that he doesn’t really know the real him.

    Is Clint and JJ going to be the next two Bachelorettes that will need to be narrowed down to one? What is with them?

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