Apparently Kaitlyn created a “National Controversy” because she’s a 30-year-old woman who had sex with the guy she was dating. Ohhhhhh KAY. We’ll get to more of that later, but first we had to watch what felt like 30 minutes of previews for Bachelor in Paradise. I don’t know about you guys, but I have absolutely no idea what will be happening other than a lot of ugly crying. So, of course, I’ll be watching.
First up to be attacked was Ian.
Tanner was still struggling to be relevant and was the first to rant to Ian about how disrespectful he had been. Some guy I had never seen before said he agreed with Ian about “Kaitlyn’s personality” and Benaitch was like Who the hell are you? You knew her for 5 days. My name is Benaitch and I knew her for 5 WEEKS, so THERE!
Ian removed his pretentious coat and knelt in front of everyone to apologize. He said he regretted the things that he said and how he acted. Supposedly he got down on his knees because he’s “humble.” Obviously, the only reason this happened is because he can’t get a date after everyone saw what an asshole he was and he’s trying to fix that because he “needs to get laid.” (His words, not mine.)
Clint & JJ, the Lovers:
Clint was next on the chopping block and they talked about how arrogant and terrible he was. He made sure to immediately clear up the fact that he was straight and not in a relationship with JJ because apparently being portrayed as gay is worse than being portrayed as a huge douche bag.
JJ likes to dig his own hole even deeper so he added that they were “intellectually curious about each other” and “it went beyond the surface level relationship and there was a lot of meat to that for me.”
I won’t even make the obvious jokes. I think you’re all smart enough to do that on your own.
JJ & Cupcake Dentist supported Kaitlyn’s decision to keep Nick on the show. Kupah was offended that Kaitlyn let Nick stay because apparently he thought that he would have been the one to stay if Nick hadn’t. LOLOL. Remember Bowser? Why does he think his opinion is relevant? Josh claimed that because she told them “I honestly see my husband in this room” 20 minutes after she met them, it was messed up that she kept him around. So, he’s a super realistic person. Also, we’ve officially exhausted the whole “Should Nick have stayed?” crap.
Poor second tier Ben had no idea that he was getting the boot when Kaitlyn sent him home. That was basically all he talked about and it was so boring. I think I understand why he went home so early. SNORE.
Jared AKA Benaitch’s Competition for the next Bachelor:
I can’t believe I love Jared now just as the show is over. He clearly still has feelings for her and was very hurt. I almost would have wanted him to be the next bachelor over Benatich? Is that weird? I like an underdog. Alas, he is on Bachelor in Paradise so that won’t happen. Chris Harrison pointed out what we were all thinking and thanked Jared for getting rid of his patchy beard. YES!!!
Benaitch told us what happened that night with Shawn and Kaitlyn that he keeps referring to. For some reason Shawn got a giant king bed while Benaitch had to sleep on a cot. Kaity managed to escape all of the cameras (how come she couldn’t do this with Nick?) and sneaked into their room to hang out. Benaitch went to shower and when he came out he realized he was in a third wheel situation. Kaity. It’s one thing to whore it up with all of the guys. It’s another to do it in front of the other guys you’re dating. Get it together, girl.
Kaitlyn finally came out and talked about how haters are affecting her family. Really? It wasn’t your moaning with Nick that really got their panties in a twist? Pun intended. To be clear – I could give a rat’s ass if Kaitlyn had sex with all 25 guys. You do you, girl. It makes no difference to me. But, don’t do that on national television if you don’t want it to be discussed. It’s just naive to expect that people won’t say mean things. Stop acting like you’re the first person to have mean things said about you on the internet. You volunteered to have your life on display. Also, the producers turned this into a WAY bigger thing than it needed to be, so you should probably blame them. K, end rant.
Chris Harrison read hate tweets to her which seemed pretty unnecessary. They were all actually outrageous and people need to get a life. (I realize the irony of that statement since I’m the one who takes time to blog about The Bachelor(ette) every week but I’m gonna go with it).
Ian apologized to her, the guys complained about Nick, and we got what was actually a pretty great blooper reel. That was about it.