Entertainment | Humor | TV

The Bachelor Ben, Week 9: Ben Loves Everyone and I’m Bored

March 1, 2016

Ben arrived in Jamaica via private helicopter and stood on his windy balcony while reminding himself of the three women and their “qualities.” He again voiced his concerns over the fact that Caila is bubbly and smiles a lot so she might not be able to share her true feelings. God forbid she’s just a positive person, Ben. He went on to say that “with Lauren, things just feel right.” If that’s not an obvious statement that he is in love with her, I don’t know what is. He went on to say that he feels “confident” with Jojo but her family scares the crap out of him (not verbatim).

Caila smiled on a dock, Lauren sipped coffee while gazing out the window, and Jojo wore a bright pink silk robe while they each contemplated their positions.

Ben took Caila on a raft ride down the river and then left her there alone. Just kidding, but he definitely wanted to ditch her because this date was so awkward. They got to spend the whole day together and within 10 minutes there was awkward silence. Ben thought he had psychic abilities when he realized “something is on Caila’s mind.” I don’t know if her silence or stand offish body language clued him in. You’re so smart, Ben! He called her out on it later and she ended up telling him that she is in love with him. She said that she could “feel it in his breath” that they are right together. That just sounds disgusting. She accepted the fantasy suite date so she could feel Ben breathe some more, I guess. Ew. Caila, Ben, and his too tight bathing suit made out in the water while watching fireworks. They woke up the next morning and Ben asked Cailia if she looked that beautiful every morning when she wakes up. LOL, innocent Ben. Caila obviously got out of bed before you woke up to do her hair and make-up. And hopefully brush her teeth since she’s so keen on breath.

  
Ben left Caila and immediately met Lauren so he could have a date with her before he boned her as well. They released baby sea turtles into the ocean and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. Ben told Lauren about how he started crying when he was talking to her sister. I guess he was really trying to rack up those points so she says yes to the fantasy suite. Lauren said she’s been having so many feeling and thoughts and needs to find words. And blah freaking blah. Lauren accepted the fantasy suite because they needed time to “be us, and do us.” LOL “do us.” Yeah ya do. He’s gonna do Jojo, too, though. And already did Caila soooo. Lauren told Ben that she is in love with him and he told her that he “knew he was in love with her for a while as well.” Idiot! Way to break the rules, you asshole.  

Ben said goodbye to Lauren, told her he loved her, and immediately met Jojo for their date. That’s nice. They went to a waterfall and she told him she loved him and he responded “Jojo, I love you, too.” AXCUSE YOU? Jojo was like what? Are you allowed to say that? and Ben was like I don’t know, probably not but I just told Lauren the same thing like an hour ago so it must be okay. Ben had his third overnight date within 72 hours, which is gross.  

It was very obvious that Ben would be sending Caila home, but instead, she took a trip to visit him. He was very surprised since he was in the middle of deciding how to break up with her.

  

He told her that she was what he would describe as his perfect wife but he’s in love with two other women. She accepted it and got in the car. Then she jumped back out to get some answers. I’m still not sure what she was asking but apparently she accepted his response and went back to sob in the car. 

They still had a rose ceremony and Chris Harrions eyeballs were bulging out of his head when both Jojo and Lauren said they were confident because Ben said “I love you.” 

 
Ben gave each of the girls roses and then had the most awkward group hug I’ve ever seen. 

 
Ben hugging the two loves of his life. Maybe they’d be interested in some sort of sister wives arrangement, Ben. 

  1. Lololol. I can’t.
    But actually, I THINK there’s a whole day in between each date. They show the sun setting after he leaves the girls so I think that’s what that means? Lol. Gross either way.

  2. That group hug at the end had me convinced (for all of 3 seconds) that he was gonna ask for a relationship with both of the at the end and see if they’d go for it. This show is unrealistic it’s hilarious. “We love each other but I’ve only known him for a month and we’ve never texted and I could get dumped at any second” – every contestant that makes it to the final 3.

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