Entertainment | Humor | TV

The Bachelorette Jojo, Week 3 Part 1: Chad-mageddon

June 7, 2016

This episode was so phenomenal. We first saw that Chad left his meat plates all over the counter so the rest of the guys wanted him dead. Forget about the TP-ed trees and literal trash on the floor. Let’s worry about the meat plates while Chris Harrison makes extra cash cleaning everything up.

Chase got the first one-on-one date which was yoga. The teacher asked how long they were “intimate” which sounded like a personal question for a married couple, let alone people who just met. I’ve actually taken yoga classes and I’ve never seen anything like this. She had them have an “anger-orgasm” by having “tantrums” on the mat. WUT. Jojo was then straddling Chase as they breathed together and then eventually made out. Yawn.
Jojo and Chase Yoga.gif

They had dinner and Chase got the rose because he isn’t an idiot and told Jojo that he wants to get married once. They then had a private concert with a country singer. I have no idea who he was, nor do I care. End it with the private concerts, Mike Fleiss.

Chad made a comment that he didn’t even want to go on the group date because obviously he’d want more time with Jojo. The guys flipped and were like “Oh I guess you don’t care about Jojo!!” Chad is obviously an asshole but these guys are all such babies. Get over it. I feel like this is the same thing as when Jubilee made a comment about not wanting to go on her date with Ben because she was scared of flying. Get the stick out of your asses everyone.

For the group date, Jojo forced the guys to participate in a “Sex Talk” show. She made the guys share stories because she thinks sex is so important in a relationship. That’s cool, but is it important to share it with the 20 men you’re dating? All of whom you’ve known for one week? They give you the fantasy suites for a reason, Jo. Chad was against it because he didn’t think it was something that needed to be shared so early on. Honestly, he’s right, but any sort of sane comment he had has since been forgotten.

Evan (ED Specialist) was still there apparently. I thought he went home. But whatever. He talked about steroid use and implied that Chad was on roids and it was so amazing. Chad ripped ED’s shirt and  Jojo said she was unsure of what happened so I guess she’s an oblivious moron. Chad called Jojo on stage and said he wasn’t going to share anything. Instead, he went in for a kiss and she turned her head so he kissed her cheek instead.

*Roid Rage Rises*

Chad  flipped out and punched a metal door. With bloody hands, he grabbed ED by the neck and threatened “I’m going to f*cking kill you” before he started pacing through the halls like a rabid animal.
Jojo Magic.gif

Jojo told us that she needs to feel safe in a relationship as Chad was literally hunting her, trying to talk to her while she was talking to another guy. ED told Jojo that if Chad stays, he wants to leave and she said she had to think about it because she’s an idiot. She ended up giving ED the group date rose and Chad started foaming at the mouth. Jojo asked him what was wrong and he said “nothing,” eyes turning red. Jojo finally saw a glimpse of his rage and flipped out on him.

The next day, they hired a security guard to follow Chad around. Maybe Jojo and I are just super different, but if a guy I was dating needed a security guard to make sure he didn’t kill someone, I’d run.

Jojo took the singer-songwriter, James Taylor (not to be confused with the actually talented James Taylor) on a dancing date. They were both terrible. It was boring. Blah blah blah. James wanna-be Taylor brought his damn guitar on their date and sang Jojo an original song and messed up the lyrics. GTFO James. I missed Chad a lot during that segment.

Not to worry because producers did not disappoint when they brought Chad back as he was eating a whole raw sweet potato while Daniel told him to be “a little less worse than Hitler. Like Mussolini…or Bush.” There comes a time for some people to change their entire personalities and it’s long before a friend feels the need to compare you to Hitler.Chad Stay Away from Nice guys.gif

Chris Harrison told the guys that instead of a cocktail party there would be a pool party and ED took the chance to tattle on Chad to Chris Harrison. FINALLY, where the hell were you all episode Chris? He told Chad he doesn’t need to leave but he needs to do something that will resolve the issue. Based on his facial expression, Chad took that as permission to “cut off their legs and arms and throw their torsos in the pool.” Sometimes I exaggerate with the quotes. This is not one of those times. But yes, Jojo – let’s give him a chance.

Honestly, this season has been spectacular so far. Remember when we had to sleep-watch Chris the Farmer!? Thank you, Chad. I will be glued to my television tonight to see if he punches ED in the face.

Chad Eating

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