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The Bachelorette Jojo, Week 4: I Miss Chad

June 21, 2016

Last night’s episode started off with what can only be described as some sort of seance where the guys scattered Chad’s protein powder to celebrate his elimination. Meanwhile, crazy pants was wandering the woods until he made it back to the house. He told the guys that Jojo thought he was “too intense or something.” I mean… Jordan’s hair flip is “too intense.” Wannabe James Taylor’s obvious attempts to get a recording contract are “too intense.” Chad, you are far past that. He essentially said that the guys are the ones who forced him to be so aggressive and punch metal doors. You know – rational ways to deal with anger. Jordan and Chad exchanged some words and ED piped up from the back that he was still waiting for a new shirt. Shut up. I’ll buy you a new shirt. What was it, 10 bucks from Target? (Nothing against Target clothing. I love it myself. But if I ripped a cheap shirt, I wouldn’t flip out.) Chad finally left and they legit threw a party and shoved Alex’s face in a bunch of cupcakes which honestly just seemed like a huge waste. I would have eaten one of those.

Chad Milk
I just needed one more Chad GIF

Robby and Jojo had a make-out session by the fountain and the guys started sweating through their suits. James F. (I think) read Jojo a poem he wrote. There’s always that one asshole who thinks he’s the next Walt Whitman. Luke told Jojo he was falling for her. In other predictable news, Luke has still has not learned how to smile. Jordan and Jojo made-out behind a wall so the guys wouldn’t see. Love the classiness.

At the rose ceremony, James F. and Daniel went home and ED still thought he had a fighting chance.

Up next: Uruguay

I think the guys thought they were in Europe. Jordan got the first one-on-one and they went on a boat where he told her he was falling in love with her.  Jojo asked Jordan about his ex who said he “wasn’t a good boyfriend.” He admitted he was a shitty boyfriend because he was so focused on football at the time. Jojo said “I wish I could read your mind” and he said “I’m not thinking anything.” Yeah, it’s obvious there’s not much going on upstairs. Jojo is a sucker so she gave him a rose. He’s definitely a front runner right now and if she picks him they will be broken up within 6-8 months because he cheats on her.

Like true gal pals, the guys gave each other haircuts in a makeshift Vinny’s Barber Shop and read tabloids about Jojo which said she was still in love with her ex, Chad. (Not crazy Chad. An ex from back home. This is all so confusing). Jojo was talking about how happy she was when the producers handed her the article and said they needed to address it because the guys had seen it. Jojo started sobbing so she talked to the guys and all was well. Of course it was – because nothing is fun anymore since Chad left.

Continuing to be in touch with their feminine side, Jordan and Robby had a day at the spa together, complete with pedicures and cucumbers on their eyes. The rest of the guys went on the group date where they went sand-surfing which looked miserable. Luke was first to pull Jojo aside to tell her that he knows the article wasn’t true. They made out. He has still not smiled.  James Taylor told Jojo he believed her, too. These guys are so lame. Alex set the scene up to make Derek the new hated guy since Jojo gave him a rose because he’s “an insecure bitch.”

Robby and Jojo went to explore the city. Robz is just so spontaneous so he suggested they jump off the cliff into the water. So spontaneous in fact, that they were both wearing bathing suits AND he had water shoes handy for both of them. Robby told Jojo about his friend who was killed in a car accident. He followed that up by telling Jojo that he “has fallen in love with her.”

Jojo what

WHATTTTT. It is week 4, you guys. FOUR. This is essentially their first date. They solidfied his crazy statement with some spit-swapping and firework-watching.

Back at the house, the guys worried about the small number of roses left and bitched about the fact that Derek received a pity rose. Alex kept calling him pathetic and honestly, it just made me hate Alex. Before the rose ceremony, Derek called the guys out for being “cliquey” which I think is code for “I’m a huge baby.” I now hate both Alex and Derek.

There was no cocktail party which made the guys flip out. Evan ED, Vinny, and Grant got the boot. ED said it felt like “daggers to his heart.” Another wanna-be poet. I hope there was a t-shirt waiting for him in the car. Grant thought she made a mistake. I wondered who Grant even was. Vinny was upset but is probably now giving buzz cuts to famous people, so it’s aight.

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