After a hiatus last week, I was more than happy to welcome Jojo and her chimps back to my television screen.
Jojo packed up her designer duffel bag with her designer clothes while she wondered if she would fall in love with one man and I wondered what I did wrong in life to not have my own designer clothes.
Alex bitched and bitched about never having a one-on-one until he got to drive with Jojo to their next destination while the rest of the guys took a bus. Jojo needed to find out what “normalcy” would be like with Alex so they sat in the backseat while they were chauffeured around. Again, what did I do wrong in life that a chauffeured ride isn’t my normal? In the meantime, the guys on the bus made up a rap about how cool they were.
Jojo and Alex learned the life of a gaucho. They then watched a man stroke and pet his horse which made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Jojo said “the horse gave into him and it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” which can only mean she is blind. They made out on top of the horse and Alex told her he was her “goocho.” File under: Reason # 5734820954 the world hates Americans.
They had some sort of conversation that made Alex think he had a chance and Jojo basically pulled away when he went to kiss her at one point. Body language, Alex. It’s a thing. He then told Jojo that he was falling in love with her and she said she didn’t feel as excited as she should feel. She told him it would be best to leave now instead of making him wait and he was like but there’s no rose on the table!!! I didn’t know you were allowed to break up with me!!!
He was obviously pissed and upset and Jojo cried because it wasn’t fair that he didn’t look her in the eye. Boo friggin’ hoo. Maybe you should have sent him home last week like you wanted to instead of asking for an additional rose.
Jordan got the next one-on-one and he pretended to not realize he is the front runner. They went to a vineyard and crushed grapes and then drank it straight from the barrel. DISGUSTING. There is no way Jordan has clean feet. Jordan awkwardly told Jojo that she wouldn’t meet his “middle brother” AKA Aaron Rodgers if she went to his hometown. She was like oh, uh, this is awkward then. I won’t be needing you. JK she is obsessed with Jordan. He told her he loved her and she immediately dropped her pants. The two horn dogs made out on a stair case.
Jojo dared Robby to strip down to his underwear and run through the halls. James felt unattractive so he told Jojo that Robby checks out other women and she got so offended. Bitch, you have 5 boyfriends.
Robby told Jojo that he just broke up with someone 4 months ago and she was like umm are you over her? Umm you were crying about Ben 3 weeks ago so relax. Chase told Jojo that he “really really really likes” her and wants her to meet his family. Robby got the group date rose and the other two were sore losers as per usual.
Luke and Jojo’s date involved riding horses. The horse fetish on this show needs to stop and its needs to stop now. She continued to think Luke has a personality and I questioned if he has teeth because we’ve never seen them.
James Taylor went home and they both cried like little babies. I am 100% sure he is contacting record labels right now. This episode was boring and unnecessary. She should have sent Alex and James home last week when she wanted to. The next 3 weeks will be unnecessary too because she is obviously going to pick Jordan. If she doesn’t I will be genuinely confused.