Humor | TV

The Bachelorette Jojo, Week 9: Jojo Loves Her Ring!

August 2, 2016

Jojo stared into the water in Thailand and told us that she couldn’t believe she would be getting engaged that week. I wonder if it’s because you’ve only known these two guys for 60 days and that’s not enough time to figure out if you should marry one of them…

Jordan met Jojo’s family first and brought hats as an ice breaker. Because who needs good old fashioned conversation, I guess? He promised Jojo’s mom that he would never break Jojo’s heart so he basically lied straight to her face. Jordan didn’t ask her father for her hand in marriage which apparently was an issue. Jojo remained blissfully ignorant of Jordan’s douchey ways so she thought their meeting went well.

Robby showed up in a buttoned down shirt that was not buttoned nearly high enough, along with shorts, so I guess he was going for that “I’m a tool” impression. After clarifying that Jojo is smart AND intelligent AND he has a thesaurus, Robby told Jojo’s mom that he’s ready to propose. Her mom responded that Jojo is a princess “because I raised her a princess.” Oh, okay. Robby asked her parents together for Jojo’s hand in marriage using a fairytale script.

Her family all said they liked Jordan but Robby seemed like he would be a better husband. Jojo flipped when she found out that Jordan didn’t ask her father for her permission to marry her so she actually thinks she’s a princess and has no idea that it’s 2016.

Jojo and Robby had a “beach day date” AKA lets get in the water so we can hump each other but no one can see underwater. Robby told Jojo their life would be “sitting on the sofa sipping wine while they hear the faint sound of children in the background while dinner cooks.” So, it’s obvious he has never been introduced to real life. Also, dinner was meatloaf and it burned because they got “lost in the moment.” I am vomiting as we speak for so many reasons.


Jordan and Jojo went kayaking while Jordan constantly pushed his obnoxious hair back. Jojo questioned his feelings because he didn’t ask for her father’s blessing and she needs someone who would throw himself at her no matter what. Jojo got mad because he was saying “if” I propose. I feel like someone should have reminded her that Robby was still in the picture. Eventually, the producers told Jordan to call her parents and ask for their blessing. He wrote Jojo a letter telling her he did so. BARF.

Jordan and Robby each picked out a ring from Neil Lane, OBVI. Jojo made it sound like her mind was made up and then she read letters from both of the guys and started flipping out again. Read: sobbing.

Robby was up first AKA got the axe.


He said this beautiful speech while she cringed and cried until she finally stopped him from talking. She said “I know that you will love me til the day that you die,” but I won’t be in your life, so enjoy that misery! Jojo cried and said she was heartbroken while Robby and his pink tie drove away.

Jordan proposed to Jojo and it was….. underwhelming to say the least. I usually stop being such a bitch and get sappy during these proposals, but that was just horrible. Stop pretending to like each other, please.

After the Final Rose 

BOOOORRRRINGGGG. Robby asked Jojo uncomfortable questions like “Do you ever still picture our future together?” and Chris Harrison tried to get some sort of drama/break-up out of Jordan and Jojo. I give it six months based on her enthusiasm for her (legitimately best ever chosen on this show) ring and lack of enthusiasm for Jordan Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers’ brother.


 

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  1. 6 months…..I said 4 lol. But yes, finally, the first non tacky ring this show has ever produced. Brava Neil Lane. In a year Jo Jo and Robby will be together and then 6 months after that they will break up and then she will be on bachelor in paradise. OBVI.

  2. Your sarcasm was on point this time. Despite all the red flags, girl must have been blinded by the chance of possibly meeting Aaron Rogers someday. Well, bummer, I though the guy in the Santa suite was gonna win, uh get the privilege of asking her parents for permission to marry the princess.

  3. You’d think after having so many months to prepare to put on a fake smile at the after show, that she would have perfected it. Nope. She didn’t even look like she wanted to sit on the same couch as him.

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