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Getting in the Christmas Spirit: Surviving Walmart Days Before Christmas

December 21, 2016

I told you I finished all of my Christmas shopping weeks ago so I could avoid the crowds this week, and that is completely true. As much as I love Christmas, dealing with people who apparently forgot how to walk for the month of December is my least favorite part of the holiday. However, I remembered the other day that I needed a way to transport the 500 cookies I baked.

Rather than use my precious after-work time, I decided to go to Walmart on my lunch break.

You guys…I decided to go to Walmart at noon 6 days before Christmas, and I’m shocked I’m able to write this post because I really thought I might punch someone and end up in jail.

Some pointers for inconsiderate shoppers:

1. Do not block the entrance. If you are a group of people walking so slowly that you’re barely lifting your feet, you do not need to remain side by side and block the entire entrance. It’s rude and I will mow you down to get around you if that’s what it takes.
walkers

2. Don’t block the one available pathway. When the front of the store is blocked by customers waiting in lines, don’t leisurely stroll through the open area with your ginormous cart. This goes for aisles, too.

3. If someone says “excuse me” to get by said ginormous cart, don’t huff and puff and dramatically move aside. You might get “accidentally” tripped. I was feeling generous yesterday so all you got was a nasty look after that.

4. Don’t be stupid. Lines are a thing, and you playing dumb pretending not to know where the line ends is just irritating. Saying “Oh my goodness are you all in line? I didn’t realize,” is not cute. Luckily the woman in front of me took care of that with a single point of her finger to the end of the line behind us.
Emmys emmys 2016 emmy awards maura tierney cut the line

One woman accidentally bumped into me and apologized. I was shocked! Which is sad. I obviously accepted her apology and wanted to ask if we could be best friends for the remainder of the trip because you need a buddy to get through that hell. But I refrained, because she probably would’ve written a post about the crazy woman at Walmart and how you shouldn’t ask random shoppers to be your friend…

Tis the season?

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  1. I made the mistake of taking my son in an umbrella stroller into the dollar store today and totally accidentally ran over the same man’s foot twice while trying to get through the store. It is PACKED out there. Then I decided to make up for my bad behaviour by running up and down the aisles which was less about not wanting to be a human obstacle and more about trying to not have a ambulance siren in lieu of a child.

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