Humor | the bachelor | TV

The Bachelor Nick, Week 11: Nick and Vanessa Pretend to Like Each Other

March 14, 2017

The Bachelor took Nick to go skipping with elves in the “city where Santa Claus lives,” as he told us. This guy lives in a fantasy world in every sense of the word.

Raven met Nick’s family first. Nick’s mom cried, masquerading it as hurt for her constantly heartbroken son, but I think it was more for the fact that her son is now on his fourth round of exploiting their family on reality television.

Vanessa told Nick’s mom she loved him but was also hesitant because she’s not sure if they’re ready for that step. Perhaps you don’t take that step after 6 weeks, then? JUST A THOUGHT.

Nick’s mom told him she was worried for him because he doesn’t “propose very easily,” and “only wants to do that once,” which was confusing because Nick seems to propose incredibly easily. In fact, this will be his third proposal on national television, but okay, Nick’s mom.

Vanessa and Nick went horseback riding while “Santa” stared creepily from behind the trees. Later, they went to Santa’s cabin, or something. Last I checked, Santa had an entire house and workshop, but whatever. They asked him for love, health, and happiness, like a couple of basic bitches. Ask for something realistic, like a sponsorship with Hello Fresh.

Vanessa continuously told us she felt like something was wrong, but nothing that wouldn’t go away once a diamond ring shows up. She said was upset because if Nick proposed to her, it won’t be romantic because he just broke up with someone else. I assume she’s never seen the show before. That’s what happens here, you twit.

Nick and Raven went ice skating and for the first time ever this season, I thought he actually liked someone. They were able to joke around and have fun. Vanessa is so damn serious all the time. Nick told Raven he was so stressed because he didn’t know if he wanted to propose to her or his other girlfriend. She decided to reassure him by telling him that she loves him and she has no hesitations. Oh, okay.

Nick spent like 20 minutes talking about how fun and passionate his relationship is with Raven, and how he can see a future with her. On the other hand, he told us he was unsure about Vanessa, and then he dumped Raven… Makes sense to me. She told him she would never regret telling him how she feels, which shows her maturity level is miles above Nick’s since he practically flipped tables when Andi and Kaitlyn dumped him. (Side note: Just as I was typing this, my friend Katie texted me “she beat up her ex right?” LOL so maybe not mature, but she knows how to behave on camera, I guess.)

Nick told Vanessa he had been falling in love with her since the first day, but wouldn’t allow himself. Was that it? Or was it that you’re a horndog and antes to hook up with as many people as possible. He proposed to Vanessa and she had the same reaction I would have had if Nick asked me to marry him.

I must have read it wrong, though, because she said yes.

After the Final Rose, we found out that Vanessa is going to leave Canada, which is the first time I thought this might work for them. I’m still skeptical. They both seemed so uncomfortable and mentioned how “difficult” it has been and how much they need to learn about each other like 87 times. They did not sound like a happily engaged couple. They sounded like people who were ready to whore themselves out for sponsors. Vanessa already mentioned her new charity. I give them 3 weeks of DWTS.

I didn’t watch the entire “ATFR” but I saw this morning that they made Rachel meet some of her suitors. What a stupid idea. Leave this poor girl alone with the historic shit. Let’s hope they don’t give her a bunch of duds so next season can actually be entertaining.

As always, it’s been a pleasure making fun of Nick with you guys these past few months. Thank you for following along. I have a couple ideas up my sleeve for some Bachelor-related posts in the sad time before The Bachelorette starts, so stay tuned and follow me on the gram for updates.

Xoxo,

Bachelor girl

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