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The Bachelorette Rachel, Week 5, Part 1: Lee is a Snake in Cowboy Boots

June 27, 2017

Last night on The Bachelorette, Jack Stone, Iggy, and the tickle monster were sent home. Let’s review, shall we?

Rachel and Bryan sucked face while Lee and Kenny argued some more. I tried to care but I’m so annoyed that they are playing up the fact that this guy is a racist for ratings. It’s gross and Lee should have never have been on the show in the first place.

Jack Stone, apparently a character out of a novel, got the one-on-one date with Rachel. They took a horse-drawn carriage ride before going dancing. Jack’s facial expressions remind me a LOT of Nick, except he might be gay. Rachel kept saying how good he was on paper, but she felt like something was missing. Sure is, sister – his attraction to women. Their date continued and Jack stared at Rachel like he was a serial killer while he told her he wanted to lock himself in a room with her and “just talk.”

Predictably, Rachel does not have any interest in marrying a serial killer, so she sent Jack Stone home.

Will tried to explain to Lee how what he was doing was wrong and again, I didn’t listen after I heard Lee say he doesn’t get the “race card.” Oh, okay.

Rachel sent Iggy and the tickle monster home and the tickle monster tickled Rachel before he left. I CANNOT.

Next up, the group went to Oslo, Norway. Bryan got the one-on-one date and they rappelled down the side of a ski jump. After a mid-way makeout session, Rachel said she felt like she could do anything with Bryan by her side. That comment alone makes me think he’s top 3 – if not Peter’s only competition thus far. Rachel kept saying that Bryan seemed too good to be true. (He probably is). They both talked about how they used to be ugly ducklings as teenagers. Wow, so original, guys. You and literally everyone else. Bryan told Rachel he was falling in love with her. Bro, this is your FIRST. DATE. Rachel ate it up, though. He got a rose.

The guys played handball on the group date and Peter was the only one who’s watched this show enough to realize it didn’t matter who won so he just flirted with Rachel and copped multiple feels. Kudos, Peter. These guys must be so bored at the house. Penguin man (I refuse to learn his name because I know he won’t win) sewed a damn quote or lyrics into a blanket and Alex read Rachel a multiple-page hand-written letter. Josiah is the worst and Rachel called him out for never asking her about herself and always talking about himself.

Rachel said that Peter is the only one who notices things about her that no one else does and she feels so connected to him. Then they made out in the hot tub. If she does not choose Peter, she’s an idiot. Please just get married and have beautiful gap-toothed babies. Will got the group date rose and Peter questioned if she even enjoyed their 3-hour hot tub make out session.

Kenny and Lee got the two-on-one date. Kenny prepared by face timing with his daughter. Lee prepared by lifting weights in jeans and cowboy boots. I despise this guy even without the racism. These three took a helicopter to the middle of nowhere. This whole date, I kept thinking that Lee reminded me of someone. I finally figured it out.

Anyway, Kenny and Rachel had a good conversation and then Lee told her that Kenny was an alcoholic. So then she had to talk to Kenny again. It ended with Kenny laughing like a maniac at Lee. Tonight, we find out who she sent home. If this show hasn’t taught me anything, it’s both of them.

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