The Bachelorette Jojo, Week 8: I’m Goo Goo Ga Ga Over These Guys

We last left off with monotone Luke telling Jojo he loved her, leaving her sobbing because she didn’t know what to do. She still sent him home and his words said he was upset but his face, as per usual, showed zero emotion. I don’t understand this guy. If they make him the next bachelor I will flip. Like a true tweenager in lust, when Jojo told Luke she would miss him he responded “I miss you already.” She was sobbing for reasons I don’t understand.
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Jojo got over it super quickly because she got to go to Thailand next. Robby and Jojo got stuck in a downpour and her hair still looked perfect so she’s definitely not human. Robby showed Jojo a note that his “Dad” wrote him about how obvious it is that he loves her and not to get down about the “rumors” his ex is spreading. Can we get a hand writing expert? Because Robby definitely wrote that.

These two horn dogs obviously went to the fantasy suite and barely waited for the cameras to leave before ripping off each other’s clothes. My main concern was the wasteful food the next morning. EAT, you monsters!
Jojo left the next morning and as my friend Jill pointed out to me, they had a nice Romeo and Juliet moment.

Next up was Jordan AKA the front-runner, who coincidentally is also the douchiest. They went on a hike in Thailand which sounds like my own personal hell due to the fact that I have pores and thus, sweat. Jojo just glows, because again – not human. They went into a temple where you’re not supposed to kiss and Jojo “totally wants to respect that” but also can’t keep her hands off Jordan and his hair poof so it was a real struggle. They had a horribly boring conversation and Jojo grilled him about how he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Jordan pulled out his script and told her he “feels a way he’s never felt before,” and he pictures her in his future and she ate it up like a raccoon in a dumpster. Jordan got sloppy seconds in the fantasy suite and we watched them eat breakfast together. Maybe just end it with the closing of the door the night before. We don’t need to listen to Jordan talk about how their relationship moved in a “very exciting direction.”

Chase and Jojo kissed a dead fish, hung out on the beach and had Chase’s dream date of “Jojo, monkeys, salt water, fish, and fisherman,” apparently. 


Jojo kept talking about how much joy Chase gives her which she’s never said about the other two idiots. Just sayin’. Robby went to Jojo’s room while she was getting ready for the rest of her date with Chase because he is the absolute worst. To his credit, Chase was SO open and proved himself to be the most normal guy left. It wasn’t hard, but still. Right after he poured his soul out, Jojo excused herself to go cry outside because she wasn’t as happy to hear him profess his love as she thought she would be.

Jojo tried to tell him how she felt and he was pissed – rightfully so. She was like “I didn’t want to blindside you like I was blindsided” and he was like umm you just did you dumb bitch. She continued to dig her own hole when she told him that she’d be with him if the other two guys weren’t there. That’s, sweet, Jo. You’d settle for him. Chase got in the car and cracked open a beer which was an amazing exit.
Jordan, Robby, and their cropped pants showed up at the rose ceremony. Just as Jojo was telling them that Chase went home, the man himself showed up to talk to Jojo. Unfortunately, he was super composed and told her that he’s not mad at her and respects her, and wants to be the next bachelor, which is the only reason he said those things. Bring back angry Chase!

I have no idea which of these idiots Jojo will choose, but I can say with confidence that whoever it is – they are no longer together. No way.

Funemployment

The blog has been lacking (aside from The Bachelorette posts) and there’s really no reason for that since I’m still funemployed for the time being.

Tim and I are getting married in 67 days. What the what? Once the wedding is over, I don’t plan to continue my unemployment so I’m taking advantage of it while it’s here. I basically have the summer off and teachers do that yearly so it’s totally normal, right? Right.

I’ve been exploring my new city, eating pizza and ice cream, and doing wedding things. So, nothing has changed except I’m a more cheerful person without a blaring alarm waking me in the early morning.

There’s really no point to this post other than to have some sort of segue before I’m just like oh hey guys, here’s my DIY Cake Topper! (COMING SOON [Once Tim helps secure the dowels {but I’m not here to passive aggressively ask him to do that via my blog. (Just kidding. Of course I am.)}])

So, I will be blogging more, because quite frankly, WTF is my excuse not to right now?

I will leave you with this photo for an example of what NOT to do when ordering a photo guest book. (No, we are not traveling back in time to get married 2 years ago.) UGH.